According to the World Health Organisation, one in three 11-year-olds and half of 13-year-olds in England have tried alcohol – and underage drinking remains a perennial problem for many families in the UK.
With the new school year under way, psychologist Rachel Coler Mulholland, counsellor and children’s mental health expert says there’s never been a better time to have a conversation with your teenager about drinking. Here she shares her top tips for starting the conversation.
Know your expectations: Think about what matters to you as a parent. Every family is different – your culture, experiences and other factors will influence what you want your family’s drinking rules to be. Knowing what your rules are, and why you have them, makes them much easier to communicate to your teenager.
Don’t lecture: Be careful not to nag – your child will tune you out. Instead, have open conversations over a period of time. But choose the right time and place – not when they’re heading out with friends or during a disagreement about something else.
Model the behaviour you expect: This means you must behave in the same way that you want your teen to act. “Do as I say, not as I do” does not work with teens – they are allergic to hypocrisy.
Discuss the health implications: Teens may say rules around alcohol consumption are arbitrary and will often point to the incongruence of being able to legally drink at home, but not in public. They’re not necessarily wrong – developmentally, by the age of 15 the physical impact of alcohol is roughly what it will be on an adult body. However, it’s still best to wait until adulthood to drink regularly. The increased maturity and brain development that comes with age can reduce the chance of negative health outcomes, and of developing dependency.
Listen up: It’s important to let your teen talk too. Remember they are facing a different landscape to the one you grew up in. You might be able to empathise, but don’t make assumptions. And don’t lie. If you drank when you were young, be honest about the whys and the consequences.
Dealing with peer pressure: Most adults remember making decisions as teens that they weren’t comfortable with to fit in or look cool, and these situations haven’t gone away, especially with the rise of social media. It’s easier for teens to resist peer pressure if they’ve had a chance to consider their responses beforehand.
Give them some “outs” that they can use if they don’t want to drink. For example: “I can’t drink – last time I had an allergic reaction and puffed up like a balloon” or “I wish I could but I’m on medication for an ear infection and doctors said it would interact with alcohol.”
Allow them to make mistakes: Be fair and clear about the rules you’ve set – boundaries help kids feel safer. That being said, your teen is likely to slip up, so think ahead to how you’ll handle these situations. Make sure your child knows that your number one priority is their health and safety, so they feel comfortable reaching out to you. Tell them they can always call you and you’ll come and get them if they need you to.
Reassure them that you’ll get them home, and make sure they’re safe and cared for, and that you can talk about what’s happened the next day.
■ The Birds, the Bees, and the Elephant in the Room: Talking to Your Kids About Sex and Other Sensitive Topics by Rachel Coler Mulholland (£9.99, Union Square & Co) is out now