Pat McAfee and Aaron Rodgers are ESPN’s pricey new nightmare

When we last left future NFL Hall of Famer and self-conferred Ph.D. in homeopathy Aaron Rodgers, he was making his triumphant debut as quarterback for the New York Jets, only to have his evening tragically cut short by a ruptured Achilles tendon that he suffered on New York’s opening possession. I lamented Rodgers’ injury on this site because I’m occasionally a decent person and because I don’t like having to watch Zach Wilson play QB any more than you do.

But the REAL reason to be heartbroken over Rodgers’ lost season is because it means that all of us must now deal with Offseason Aaron Rodgers all year long. Trust me, you don’t want anything to do with Offseason Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers’ family doesn’t want anything to do with Offseason Aaron Rodgers. All that Offseason Aaron Rodgers does is cultivate new grudges against imagined foes and parrot organic conspiracy theories from books that he’s pretended to read. And what better place for Rodgers to issue those takes than on “The Pat McAfee Show”? See for yourself!

In case you’re unfamiliar with Pat McAfee (lucky you), he was a former punter for the Indianapolis Colts who retired early to join Barstool Sports, an obvious move for anyone who aspires to waste their athletic talent.

But McAfee’s show would soon prove to be incredibly popular, popular enough for him to take it from Barstool to DAZN, and then eventually to SiriusXM. McAfee built up his broadcasting clout thanks in part to regular Tuesday appearances on his show from Rodgers that began back when the quarterback was busy pissing and moaning his way out of Green Bay. It was on McAfee’s show that Rodgers uttered the words “cancel culture casket” after the general public learned the true nature of his vaccination status (he wasn’t vaccinated). It was also on McAfee’s show that Rodgers (supposedly jokingly) diagnosed himself with “COVID toe” and where he first announced that he wanted to be traded from Green Bay to New York. That was all primo Aaron content, enough to make me hate him for a thousand lifetimes.

Which is how we got to the clip above. Rodgers, with nothing better to do, still appears on McAfee’s show every Tuesday. And it was this Tuesday when the four-time NFC runner-up formally challenged Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce to a debate regarding the efficacy of COVID-19 vaccines. In addition to being Taylor Swift’s pretend boyfriend, Kelce is also a spokesman for Pfizer. Rodgers, meanwhile, is a spokesman for enchanted crystal suppositories. Neither man will be inventing cold fusion anytime soon.

But allow me to quickly break down Rodgers’ challenge to Kelce, or “Mister Pfizer,” as he derisively calls him, for you anyway. Rodgers is on a video call, clearly high on his own farts. McAfee is back in his studio wearing a cutoff Pittsburgh Penguins jersey, an entirely new frontier in sweaty bro-wear. Here’s Rodgers:

“Mister Pfizer said he didn’t think he’d be in a vax war with me.” Rodgers laughs, kinda affecting a country music accent for a second. “This ain’t a war, homie. This is just conversation. But if you wanna have some sort of, uh, duel? Debate? Have me on the podcast. Come on the show. Let’s have a conversation.”

To this, McAfee makes like a reaction GIF and goes OOOOOH! Rodgers continues.

“Let’s do it like in ‘John Wick 4,’ right?”

Totally. This is totally like that movie. I’m on the edge of a knife here.

“So we both have a second,” Rodgers proposes. “Someone to help us out. I’m gonna take my man, RFK Jr.”

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is the founding father of the modern anti-vaccine movement in America. He also is a vanity presidential candidate (as Rodgers will no doubt be one day), is a pariah within his own family, and has a general aura that’s far more Cuomo than Kennedy. He’s a genuinely dangerous spreader of vaccine misinformation and an impediment to those of us who would prefer to not choke to death on our own mucus secretions.

McAfee could have pointed all of this out to Rodgers. Instead, he laughs in a OH HE WENT THERE way and then says “HELL YEAH!” Because apparently nothing gets his audience fired up more than a football player roping in a known crackpot to stage an imaginary intellectual debate with another football player. The stuff dreams are made of.

But who would Kelce’s second be for this debate that will never happen, Aaron?

“And he can have, you know, Tony Fauci or some other pharmacrat. And we can have a conversation about this.”

Why Dr. Fauci? Why not Jesus? Why not Tiamat? I mean this whole thing is a figment of your imagination, so why are you limiting yourself merely to respected public servants, Aaron? Didn’t the hospital give you better drugs than this?

There is obviously something a touch unsavory about McAfee allowing Rodgers to appear on ESPN to openly advocate for the anti-vaccine movement and then barely challenging him on any of it. The ethics here get even murkier when you consider that Rodgers doesn’t go on McAfee’s show out of the goodness of his heart. Just today, Andrew Marchand of the New York Post reported that McAfee pays Rodgers to go on his show — and not a small amount.

“‘Aaron Rodgers Tuesdays’ and ‘Nick Saban Thursdays’ have become staples of the program and the sports media world. But there is a special sauce that makes it all go. McAfee spends millions to procure these interviews, The Post has learned. 

“Rodgers is receiving more than seven figures per year to come on the show each week, according to sources, while Saban is in that vaunted neighborhood.”

McAfee himself confirmed the payments to Marchand, stopping short of an exact amount but happily noting that it was seven figures. ESPN declined to comment about any of this to SFGATE, so allow me to interpret its motivations on its behalf. McAfee can pay Rodgers to appear on his show and spread his poison gospel because ESPN is in desperate need of viewership and is clearly willing to bend its notorious “stick to sports” policy for on-air talent if doing so attracts more F-150 buyers to tune in. I think that’s the nut of it.

All of it is cynical, corrupt and painfully unamusing. And the irony is that I just wanted to watch some football. Instead, I get more Offseason Aaron Rodgers, all season long. I hope he never gets vaccinated for anything.