For the first time since 1999, here are all the things we (thankfully) never have to think about again

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As we all know by now, Tom Brady’s first attempt at retirement was a giant fake-out. Here’s what we had to say about Brady’s diabolical plan back when this story broke:

It seems that the Tom Brady retirement reversal wasn’t so much of a reversal as a plot gone very, very wrong. PFT, which initially reported part of the story in late February, revealed that Brady never actually intended to retire from the sport. He wanted to leave the Buccaneers to become a part-owner of the Dolphins, where, if all went according to plan, they would hire Sean Payton as their new head coach and Brady would negotiate a trade from Tampa Bay to start as Miami’s new quarterback.

Enter Brian Flores, the fired Dolphins head coach, who blew this plan to pieces with a groundbreaking lawsuit accusing the NFL of widespread racial discrimination in hiring practices. In the lawsuit, he also alleged that Dolphins owner Stephen Ross had attempted to bribe Flores to throw games, and had attempted to convince Flores to recruit another active QB, a violation of league rules that Flores refused to go along with.

The active QB in question? TB12, of course.

Forget the fact that Miami had one of the few Black head coaches in the NFL in Brian Flores, right Tom? Like with Antonio Brown, COVID, and PPP loans. all that seems to matter is what Tom wants, other people be damned. And Tom wanted to play for Sean Payton.

The big problem for Tom here is that Brian Flores was smart enough to know racial discrimination when he sees it, and Tom apparently doesn’t know what legal discovery is. At least this time he didn’t try to destroy his cell phone.

Smell ya later, Tom Brady. I’m going to live in bliss for an entire season without thinking about you once.

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