Francis Ngannou has revealed how the death of his young son left him “powerless and vulnerable”, but he will use the tragedy as his “biggest motivation” ahead of a fight against Renan Ferreira.
Ngannou stated that his 15-month-old son Kobe had passed away in a social media post in April, prompting an outpouring of condolences from fellow fighters in mixed martial arts and boxing.
While coming to terms with the loss, the 37-year-old has decided to compete in MMA again, but on this occasion his main priority is commemorating Kobe rather than pursuing personal achievement.
Ngannou told Sky Sports: “This is not a great moment for me. I need some activities. I need to stay active to be in a zone that I belong to. I also need to keep it going, to fight for my boy, for Kobe.
“The past few months hasn’t been the easiest. I think it has been by far my hardest [moment] in life. I lost my son. For some time, I felt like I didn’t even have to do this or questioning about if I should do it or fight again.
“But I want to do something good in his memory. Not to be the reason for me to quit but to be motivation and also to fight for him.”
Ngannou, a former UFC heavyweight champion, admits he has been struggling with an overwhelming sense of grief.
“It’s not that I have come close to retiring. It’s just that in this circumstance you think, you have different thoughts,” he said.
“You see how fragile life is. You feel hurt, you feel powerless. You feel useless. You’re questioning about your existence, about the importance of all of this, or life in general.
“It’s not that I have considered retiring or something. It’s just that you have to deal with something that wasn’t on the landscape.
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Francis Ngannou believes his PFL debut opponent Renan Ferreira represents his toughest test to date, as he prepares for his MMA return October 19
“I think it’s easy to overcome hurdles, to overcome life’s challenges as well is not when it’s your situation. But this is something different, it’s something that hurts your soul.
“I would not compare this to anything that I knew, or that I have experienced. It’s completely different. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but it’s different and all of a sudden you feel like you haven’t been able to do anything in your life.
“You haven’t been able to overcome everything. You feel the most vulnerable as you have ever been. This is different.”
Ngannou confirmed his move back to MMA with PFL CEO Peter Murray
Ngannou faces Renan ‘Problema’ Ferreira for the Professional Fighters League Super Fight belt on October 19.
“I just have to find that out by fighting,” said Ngannou, when asked if he can switch back to the mindset of an MMA star.
“There is only one way to find out, but also I think now I have different motivation in my son.
“I used to fight for a lot of reasons but I don’t think I’ve had the biggest reason, the biggest purpose to fight as for now.”
Having ruled MMA as the sport’s dominant heavyweight champion, Ngannou made a surprise switch to boxing and floored Tyson Fury in a contentious points loss before suffering a brutal knockout defeat to Anthony Joshua.
But Ngannou is back in the familiar surroundings of the MMA cage, having recently returned to training
“I’ve been doing mixed martial arts for over 10 years, so yes it’s home. It’s where I’m more comfortable. Where I’m used to, where I understand the most,” he said.
“Rankings are made by people and yes the sport is moving.
“I’m not the one to judge, but yeah I think this fight could set as a reminder of who I am.”
The co-main event for Ngannou vs Ferreira will feature the greatest women’s MMA fighter of all-time, Cris Cyborg who takes on PFL two-division champion Larissa Pacheco in a featherweight super fight.