Tall guys always finish first, at least according to Saturday Night Live.
Host Jacob Elordi kicked off the first show of 2024 with a spoof of The Bachelor, called Crown Your Short King. Chloe Fineman played the eligible bachelorette Tiffany, who’d decided to put her preconceived notions about short men aside and give them a chance to woo her.
“When I came to short king mansion, the first thing I thought was ‘Damn, I should have packed more flats,” she said. “On dating apps, I was that girl who would write, ‘If you’re under six feet, swipe left.’ But getting to know all of you has made me realize that I was letting go of some incredible guys.”
She was especially impressed with Bowen Yang’s Kevin, who opened up to her about his dog’s anxiety, and Darryl, who is “seriously the funniest guy on planet Earth.”
It’s all come down to this moment, and she now must give out the “short king crown.” Those short kings’ dreams are crushed by a last minute contestant, Jackson (played by Elordi). Standing a full foot taller than the group, he wins Tiffany’s heart, despite a clear being at a clear intellectual disadvantage than the rest.
“Three things about me is that I’m from Pittsburgh. I technically still have a girlfriend, and I need to borrow $20,000,” he drawls. Swoon.
He sweeps Tiffany off her feet and the two engage in quite the obnoxious make out session as they depart. Next time, a group of golden short kings will be competing for the crown.
Watch the full clip below.