If Marysia or Matouk created toilet paper, it would have scalloped edges — but, it turns out, Charmin dreamed up the luxe concept first. Per the brand’s website, this was a purely functional design update (five years in the works), not at all frivolous: “We reinvented the square [for the first time in 100 years], for a smoother tear.” I can confirm the upgraded Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper has absolutely nothing rough around its edges, just a new wavy “trim” — or perhaps, perforation is more accurate — that leaves me smitten every time we interact.
The little luxury made its way to the right of my toilet somewhat by surprise (and before TikTok caught on). I had picked up what I thought to be the same six-pack of ultra-soft tissue I regularly buy from one of New York City’s finest drugstores, with no idea that there was a gift with my purchase. When I went to answer the call of nature, I audibly gasped as my eyes locked with the most elegant four-by-four sheet I’d ever seen. My lips shifted to a smile as I simultaneously shouted to my husband, “Oh. My. Goodness. Have you seen this toilet paper?”
Sophisticated with its crisp squiggly border, the toilet paper was reminiscent of the collar on my favorite Zimmermann blouse; it resembled my dear friend’s monogrammed stationery, complete with a colorful wavy border; it had the same arches as decadent handmade flower-shaped-ravioli I enjoyed one summer evening at Le Sirenuse in Positano, Italy. Sure it was developed just to be flushed, but there was something undeniably fancy about this TP. My husband wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic, though he too had noticed the new look of the typically mundane fabric.
My colleagues, on the other hand, were just as impressed when I mentioned the glorified Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper in our team group chat: “Yes I am obsessed!!!,” said one. “Absolutely obsessed,” echoed another.” “Life’s little pleasures,” added a third. Two others chimed in saying, “I felt so fancy when I bought this!” and “This is LUXURY!” Without context, you would have thought we were discussing a contender for Allure’s Best of Beauty Splurge category. But, as I’ve discovered, the finest, cushiony-est, most elevated $10 TP on the shelf can also be described as luxurious. And finding joy — even in the shitiest situations — is important.
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