I’ve never micro-cheated or—to my knowledge—been micro-cheated on, and I can’t say that soul ties are a big part of my life. But when it comes to situationships, I’m sad to say that I’m something of an expert, even if the relatively newly minted word didn’t exist during my deeply chaotic and confusing single years. Below, find everything you need to know about situationships, including what they are, a potentially helpful pop-cultural reference point, and how to politely but firmly break one off.
What is a situationship?
As a portmanteau of the words “situation” and “relationship,” a “situationship” can describe anything from a poorly defined friends-with-benefits arrangement to an ongoing, unlabeled flirtation to a long-distance texting thing that isn’t quite romantic (but could be?). If you need the term broken down for you even more, however, there’s always TikTok:
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What’s a pop-culture example of a situationship?
Adam and Hannah from S1 of Girls definitely spring to mind. While they’re sleeping together and occasionally hanging out, Adam is portrayed as a total mystery to Hannah. They don’t DTR—define the relationship—at first, largely because it’s clear that Hannah desperately wants to present as “chill” and is terrified of asking Adam how he really feels about her; however, their relationship does evolve in later seasons, proving that sometimes a situationship can give way to something more (even if it’s still not necessarily something out of a fairy tale). Here’s a Hannah quote about Adam that I personally feel sums up their situationship energy: “The last time I talked to him, he said that he missed me and he would pay me to come eat popcorn with him, but then he hasn’t returned a text of mine in over two weeks.” (God, men in Brooklyn who ride fixie bikes are a scourge.)
Is a situationship always a bad thing?
Absolutely not! While the term definitely has derisive connotations, not everyone needs or wants a clear label slapped on their romantic goings-on, and if you don’t have the bandwidth for or interest in a more serious relationship—and truly feel like you’re living your best life within your situationship—then there’s no need to force a capital-T Talk. If you (like me) tend to panic when things aren’t well-defined, though, a situationship may not be for you; at the risk of sounding corny, just make sure you’re checking in with yourself regularly about what it is you actually want, because feelings can quite famously change…sometimes without us even noticing.
How do I turn a situationship into…a real relationship?
I deeply wish I had a one-size-fits-all solution for this conundrum, but ultimately, getting out of a situationship and into Something Real all depends on a) the willingness of your would-be partner (which isn’t really something you can control, no matter how hard you try) and b) your ability to communicate clearly and honestly about what it is you want. If you need a script, though, here’s a generic one you’re free to embellish as needed: “Hi [name of situationship person], I’ve really loved spending time with you and getting to know you, but the unclear nature of our relationship is difficult for me; would you be open to having a conversation about where we’re both at and what each of us are looking for right now?”