Welcome to Doing It, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions. This month, they dive into why so many women get turned on by dirty talk.
Throughout my 33 years of life, I’ve tried almost everything to get into the mood. Lube, foreplay, porn… they’re all great, but several years ago, an epiphany came to me in the form of Trent Reznor growling into the mic. “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails became the song I needed to push me over the edge, guaranteeing an orgasm every time. This revelation was (sex) life changing; since then, I’ve accumulated a bevy of songs with the same appeal.
Most people who’ve listened to music can attest to its power to induce strong emotions, a fact that’s been backed up by some studies. But it’s not only music that gets me going: A partner moaning or talking in a sultry tone also does the trick. I absolutely need my partner to communicate with me, to narrate the scene and, basically, tell me how hot I am and all the things they want to do to my body. The term for this auditory turn-on is sexual auralism, where one gets aroused or excited by sounds.
It is often referred to as a kink or fetish, meaning that for a lot of people (like myself) sound is an important part of their sexual experience. Could this explain why I like using blindfolds in bed so I can rely exclusively on my ears to carry me through to nirvana? Potentially! Kink or not, sound can be a vital part of sex and incorporating even a touch of theatrics could go a long way.
According to Elizabeth Perri, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, “auditory cues that can play a role in sexual arousal include moaning, changes in breathing patterns, your partner’s voice, sensual sounds (e.g., kissing, licking, sucking), and verbal communication such as expressing desire and dirty talk.”
Jennifer Litner, PhD, a certified sex therapist, describes sounds as one of the key senses that can heighten arousal, especially for women. She theorizes that the preference for audio erotica over video could be due to the fact that much of mainstream porn is male-centric and can be off-putting because of the ways women’s bodies are objectified in them. Plus, those clips don’t leave much (if anything) to the imagination.