SANTA CLARA — Nola Matthews, one of the most decorated gymnasts in the country, isn’t sure if she’s good enough.
Olympic trials are coming up in June, and even for a gymnast who has represented Team USA on an international stage three times before, confidence can be a daily struggle. Self esteem comes and goes. Impostor syndrome looms around every corner.
“It’s kind of hard to get rid of,” said the 17-year-old from Gilroy. “I’ll always feel that forever. But trying your best to remember that you’re here for a reason, that you earned this. It’s something I struggle with.”
It’s natural, said Melanie Ruggiero, who has spent the last 30 years coaching and operating Airborne Gymnastics in Santa Clara. She estimates she’s had 1,500 students a year for the last three decades, and never before has she coached an athlete with the talent, grit and determination held by Matthews.
But even for Matthews, who won a gold medal with Team USA and an individual gold on the uneven bars during the 2023 Pan American Games, confidence can be fleeting.
“She’s been this way ever since she was young; she doesn’t believe she’s as good as she is,” Ruggiero said. “She’s special in so many ways. She’s stylish, she’s personable, she’s relatable and she’s tough as nails.
“Hard work will beat talent, eventually.”
Her decade of hard work will be tested: During the first weekend in June, she’ll have a chance to compete alongside Simone Biles, Shalise Jones and other hopefuls gunning for one of five coveted spots to represent Team USA at the Summer Olympics in Paris this July.
Last weekend in Connecticut, Matthews finished tied for 14th in the all-around at the Core Hydration Classic. She returned to Airborne for more practice this week. And with another strong showing in the U.S. Gymnastics Championships in Fort Worth, Texas, on June 1-2, she’ll become one of the 15-20 selected to compete in Olympic Trials at the end of the month, when the final roster will be announced.
“Every little kid dreams of that; I don’t even think I’d be able to process it for years,” Matthews said. “It’d be so surreal and insane.”
It’s not that unfathomable. In fact, “it’s very possible,” said her coach, Cleo Washington.
Believing she can actually do it could be the final step.
Her journey began when she was 2. Her mom, Kari Bertrand, a two-time U.S. Olympic Trials qualifier as a runner, noticed Nola’s desire to climb, flip and roll around their house, so she signed her up for a mommy-and-me class at a gym in their hometown. By the time she was 8, it was clear she needed to take her casual hobby to the next level.
After a few trials at nearby gyms, Nola found a home at Airborne, which, at an hour’s drive from home, was at the very limit of what her parents agreed would be a suitable daily commute.
A doctor and solo practitioner before she was a parent, Kari had to find a job with a more suitable schedule for her new role. Now she works two 24-hour shifts a week at a hospice clinic. Her two boys have often missed their mom while she’s away, but have been “exceptionally understanding” of the family commitment made to Nola’s gymnastics career, Kari said.
Kari sometimes looks forward to the long car rides home, when an exhausted Nola might poke her head up from the back seat and engage in one of the chats that have helped the mom and daughter bond.
“It’s a combination of her truly being a fan of the sport and loving what she does,” Kari said. “If you don’t, the grind gets really old, really fast. And the fact she’s able to grind. She can go hard, day in and day out. And enjoy the process all the while.”
In fifth grade, Nola dropped out of school to focus on gymnastics. She’s been homeschooled ever since, a blessing and a curse as she’s become close with other gymnasts but admits she could have a more robust social life for a teenager.
“It’s hard to tell what I’m missing out on,” she said.
By the time she was 11, Matthews began competing at the elite level. That’s when the anxiety really kicked in.
“The stress of competition was hard for her,” Kari said. “So it was either no more gymnastics or find some help.”
Matthews is one of many elite gymnasts who have been honest about their battle with confidence. Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, and Laurie Hernandez are among those who have spoken about it publicly. Biles’ perfectionism led to a case of the “twisties,” a mid-air panic that keeps gymnasts from connecting their minds and bodies, and an early withdrawal from the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo.
“I just don’t trust myself,” she told reporters at the time.
After a two-year break from the sport, Biles returned last summer and has been dominating every competition she’s participated in.
Matthews, too, has “gone through a lot of low points,” but working with professionals on her mental health has kept her afloat.
“I’ve learned I can be a very hard worker,” she said. “I’m pretty resilient. I can be tough. I can be stubborn. In a good and bad way. And I am a good teammate. I know I have so much love for this sport.”
What started as a hobby “has grown into something way bigger,” she said. “I’m so grateful.”
She took first place in the uneven bars at the 2022 Winter Cup in Frisco, Texas, to announce her presence on the senior circuit. That same year, she was named to the Team USA squad for a competition in Germany, where she won a bronze medal in the uneven bars. In the U.S. Classic, she finished sixth in the all-around, cementing her place as one of the country’s finest young athletes.
“She had this very unique style and connection to the audience,” Ruggerio said. “Once she got to a level where it was broadcasted on TV and the little girls across the United States got to see this girl shine on the floor, that was a big moment for Nola. That’s also when a lightbulb might’ve turned on that. She finally got a place where, ‘OK, I actually belong here.’ It’s not easy to feel like you belong on the side of Simone Biles.”
At Airborne, inside a giant warehouse full of mats, vaults, beams, bars and anything else that little ones might enjoy climbing on or leaping off, Matthews is among the most passionate cheerleaders in the gym, often rooting for girls half her age, celebrating each moment of triumph and setting an example for the 8- and 9-year-olds who are training a few backflips away from their hero.
“Everyone in this gym loves Nola,” Ruggiero said. “When the best girl in the gym is cheering for any of the little girls, it really makes them feel special.”
There’s a giant banner, at least 20 feet tall, with Matthews’ picture on it hanging on one wall. Washington constantly reminds her that she’s worthy of being celebrated.
“The old national team coordinator once told me, ‘It’s funny, because girls in this sport, you have to build their confidence, but guys in this sport you have to lower it just a little bit,’” Washington said. “I’ve known her for a while, I’ve coached her for five years, and right now, her confidence is at an all-time high.”
If done perfectly, her floor routine could separate her from the competition and earn her a spot in Paris. And even if she doesn’t, she’s learning to become proud of herself just for showing up.
“I try to stay present because getting ahead of myself makes me anxious,” said Matthews, who will join UCLA’s prestigious gymnastics team next fall. “I always try to be proud of myself, to think about how far I’ve come.”
Ruggerio thinks about it often. She’s never seen Matthews in a better place.
“She’s really come into her own,” she said. “But you only get one shot at the Olympics. I know her goal is to make it to the Olympic trials. I hope that happens for her. But whatever it ends up being, I hope she ends up feeling proud of herself, because there are so many people around her who are so proud of her.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues, help is available: Call or text California’s Peer-Run Warm Line at 1-855-600-WARM.
